Well, the new shed is almost finished, and we should soon be
able to reorganize the contents of our attic, basement and existing garden shed
so they are more evenly or at least more practically distributed. Garden and
lawn things, sorted. Sports equipment and car roof racks, sorted (at last).
Firewood and ONLY firewood in the woodshed, sorted. Tools, nails, screws and
paint, sorted.
The guys at Wednesday coffee laugh and laugh. They know, from experience they say,
that the laws of domestic physics state that just as water seeks its own level
our belongings will multiply to first occupy and then outgrow available space.
They hold this to be true, and they may be on to something
(as opposed to “on” something). What
community does not now have a self-storage enterprise somewhere within or near
its bounds. Only the smallest of villages – like those named maps from the
1920s but which no longer have a church, school or post office, or houses for
that matter – do not sport a campus of metal clad, multi-doored single-storey
barns filled, we may presume, with everything from tires and inflatable Halloween
lawn decorations to bed frames, small television sets, book cases and someone’s
grandfather’s antique golf clubs.
Last week (November 2019) CBC news carried a soft story
about the so-called second-hand economy. Apparently an academic research
project out of Université de Québec à
Montréal looked at the growth of the buying, selling – and I suppose, trading –
of previously loved, gently used, down-but-not-out consumer goods over the last
number of years. That study seems to indicate that we are becoming more conscious
of our consumption and its impact on our wheezing world. People are prepared to
settle for second hand – if not second best – just as people are prepared to
capitalize on it. By the way, the study was commissioned by Kjiji, king of all
things second hand. I heard it on CBC Nova Scotia, but Global had carried the
story days before. You can link to their story here.
Some months ago, in a conversation among family members as
we drove past a storage campus outside a small town in Cape Breton, we enjoyed
a moment of mirth when someone quipped that people could alleviate clutter –
and perhaps eliminate the need for the construction of new sheds – by having
their on-line impulse purchases shipped directly to their storage unit. Around
the same time, we learned that a prominent storage rental company in a city
that need not be named for my purpose here, would soon be getting into the
seniors residential care business. That gave me the idea for the following fictional
advertisement.
It’s very short, because around the same time I hit upon a
flash fiction competition looking for 250-word submissions (this version is
slightly more than 250 now). The ad didn’t make the cut, but maybe you will
like it, even if it is second hand. Enjoy.
~~
www.outta-site-self-storage.com
Enjoy the latest in self-storage services from Outta Site Self-storage
– Leading the Way in Consumer Excess for 50 Years.
Outta Site Self-storage understands that the urge to have it
all conflicts with the need to live small.
Our most prized possessions are those we cannot afford. Keeping
pace with both the pint-sized and up-sized needs of today’s consumers, Outta Site
solutions mean that you CAN own the latest must-have countertop appliances
whether your fashionable new tiny house has room for them or not.
Now, Outta Site has partnered with the world’s leading
on-line retailers, to create Outta Site Direct. Avoid the inevitable by having purchases
shipped directly to storage!
There’s more. Introducing Outta Site Plus app and subscription.
We’ll send you a digital photo of your purchase to display, AND we’ll block
your on-line purchase if you have two or more already in storage.
Outta Site Plus subscribers pre-qualify for preferred pricing
for Outta Site ESP Home when it’s rolled out next year. ESP (extrasensory purchasing)
Home anticipates subscriber needs using our patented “always-on” telepathic
cloud connection. See something on-line that you really like? ESP Home will not
only sense your desire, it will initiate the purchase! Outta Site Self-storage
will take delivery and notify you that it’s safely stored.
Finally. If your modern family is frustrated by guilt over
the contradiction between concern for an elder and concern for a clutter-free existence,
watch for Outta Sight, Outta Mind. Care for Granny, without the smell. Outta Site
Granny Flats are now under construction at many of Outta Site self-storage
campuses.
Click here to receive our monthly newsletter, and subscribe
today.
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