The Codcast
News and Views from The Landing
A little cod tongue & cheek
The following is a transcription (#230322) of an interview with Sterling Macaulay, of Sterling Enterprises. The interview coincides with the announcement of an alternative to daylight saving time. Link here for more on The Codcast and on Sterling Enterprises, or find “Stories From The Landing” on Facebook.
Host: Tom E. Cod
[Begin]
Tom Cod (TC) : Has the great daylight saving time debate finally met its match?
Welcome to The Codcast. In today’s episode I am once again with The Landing’s favourite – and only – entrepreneur, Sterling Macaulay, of Sterling Enterprises, who says he has the answer.
As everyone knows, every year, twice a year, there’s a great bruhaha over the apparently Herculean effort required to – shudder – reset the clocks. All of them.
Of course, I’m being facetious.
Not the clocks connected to the cosmic mystery that is the worldwide web, of course, because those clocks change themselves, adding to the confusion. Sterling is taking aim at analog clocks, the ones you have to wind up and to set the time.
Sterling Macaulay [SM] : Here in the northern hemisphere, ever anxious to maximize our exposure to cancer-causing ultraviolet daylight, people race home to be on time to burn the bejesus out of cancer-causing meats – and to suck back a few brews – we add an hour to the day. I’m being facetious too.
Then we doze off in front of the fire and spill our wine. And the lawn! We have to have enough evening hours to mow the lawn.
All this means we have to lop off an hour of daylight from the mornings for eight months. For eight months, thanks to daylight saving time, we have to water the flowers when we can barely see them. We can’t even read the newspaper on the front porch as we have our morning coffee. We can’t take the kids’ dog out for its morning constitutional without stepping in the result.
[TC] : Macaulay says that every year, twice a year, lawmakers allow themselves the luxury of being distracted by lamentations over lost sleep, lower productivity and the labours of constituents who lose sleep because they have to fumble with their clocks for an hour. Each spring there is great joy in the nation as people set their clocks ahead by an hour; each autumn there is great sadness and gnashing of libertarian teeth as we reverse the ritual.
[SM] : I think I have the answer.
[TC] : When he was a youngster, like many people, Macaulay’s attitude toward daylight saving time – most people call it ‘savings time’ – was one of rejoicing. The younger you are the more you want evening daylight in order to prolong play before being called indoors by tired parents and evening prayers.
As adults – meaning older, not necessarily wiser – we all want the little devils in bed so the day will finally be over and we can doze in front of the nightly news without interruption. As a senior, the time change doesn’t mean much because a lifetime of living under the tyranny of mechanical time kept by clocks means that your circadian rhythms depend upon clocks to signal that it’s time to get up, or go to bed, or take a nap.
[SM] : I think I have the answer.
I’m concerned that our elected representatives, too busy slaving away in their big-city offices and restaurants, will give in to pressure and will abolish the seasonal time change routine by opting for year-round daylight saving time. Hopefully, they’ll get so bogged down by coming up with a name for the new time that they will either give up on the debate or I’ll be dead and won’t have to watch it all unfold. But we can’t count on that – well, maybe the dead part.
[TC] : The problem of naming it aside, Macaulay’s fear is that the politicians will end the debate by giving in to the louder of the whiners and will opt to leave the time permanently favouring evening BBQs. They’ll forget morning chores.
[SM] : As someone who lives in a rural area where also reside a great number of younger families, I’m concerned that children would be in danger as they wait in the dark for the school bus. Rural communities are coming alive again since the most recent pandemic. After decades of urban-centred decision-making, people are starting to wise up to the health benefits of living in the country.
Therefore, if decision makers opt to dispense with seasonal time shifting, it ought to be to standard time.
Having said that, however, as The Landing’s most successful entrepreneur—
[TC (interrupting)] : Its only entrepreneur.
[SM] : Right. I have devised a compromise – one which satisfies both camps. The answer is simple and I’m offering it up without copyright or fees.
[TC] : Drumroll, please.
[SM] : The 25-hour day.
[TC] : What was that?
[SM] : It would work like this: by adding an hour to the clock, humans effectively save 2.4 minutes every hour. That means people pick up 24 minutes of daylight – figuring the average workday to be 10 hours, including commuting and picking up a few things on the way home. The above-mentioned BBQ crew only lose 24 minutes of precious mosquito time.
[TC] : But surely it will be difficult to convince the whole world to adopt the 25-hour day, especially in areas that still use analogue timepieces as opposed to digital. Almost every interaction we have – even with our governments – has gone digital, it’s only a matter of time before we’ve all gone over to the dark side – that’s a little joke.
[SM] : Yes, I got that.
[TC] : Have you thought of a name for the new time?
[SM] : Not yet. I think the more important task will be to convince our governments to embrace the benefits of a 25-hour day and to give it consideration. Time is of the essence, but it may not happen in my lifetime.
[TC] : Come on, now. You must have had some ideas. You always have ideas.
[SM] : Well, of course, the name Sterling Time crossed my mind. But just because it’s my gift to the world doesn’t mean it has to bear my name – does it?
[TC] : Sterling, it occurs to me that there are other time-related constraints people often complain about. The number of days in the month, for example. Have you thought of tackling that? All months of 30 days, for example?
[SM] : Get serious, Tommy. That would be chaos. No one would go for that!
[TC] : I juts thought…
[SM] : Let’s leave it there, shall we?
[TC] : Sure. Changing the subject a little, how have the Granny Flats been selling? And what else have you been working on.
[SM] : To be honest, Granny Flats sales are … well … kind of at a dead end. With the last pandemic and all, there seem to be fewer old folks looking for accommodations. I guess there are fewer and fewer old folks period – we’ll see how it goes.
[TC] : And new projects?
[SM] : Right. Well, I am working on something to ease the chronic shortage of paramedics brought on by the pandemic. It’s not fully thought through just yet, but the basic idea is programmable self-driving ambulances. I don’t want to say too much about it just yet, for obvious reasons. But I do think the idea is worth exploring. I just have to work out a few things.
[TC] : Before we get too many Liberal governments across the country?
[SM] : Right. Before we get too many more Liberals. They seem to lack entrepreneurial imagination. Know what I mean?
[TC] : Let’s leave it there, shall we? Thank you for your time today, Sterling. And keep us posted on the self driving ambulance idea, will you? I think people will be on the watch for them.
That concludes another Codcast. What’s next for Stewart Macaulay? Your guess is as good as mine but remember that you heard it here first – maybe.
Thanks for listening – or for reading.
Until then, this is Tom E. Cod, for the Codcast, asking: What could YOU do with an extra hour in the day?
=30=
You can read more about Sterling Macaulay in No Place Like Home: Short Stories from The Landing, by Mike R. Hunter, available from Amazon. In Sydney, NS, books are available from Cape Breton Curiosity Shop and from On Paper Books. To learn more about the launch of Out-of-sight, Out-of-mind Granny Flats, or to learn more about Sterling Solutions, contact The Codcast, attn. Tom E. Cod.
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